Sweating the Details

I have been talking to God a lot lately.  Now, this isn't anything new, really, I always talk to God.  But I think we could all admit we are much more consistent and raw in our prayer life when we are in the midst of uncertainty, or trials or general hard times.  I have been amazed at how God has really been teaching me, molding me and drawing me closer to Him over the last year.  I am, by nature, a worrying, pessimistic, perfectionist.  I am the type of person who sorely needs God's grace and His patience.  His love for me is unconditional, praise Him.  He also knows my heart.  I worry about glorifying Him enough, living for Him enough, making the right decisions that will advance His kingdom and ensure that my family and I are being good stewards of all He has given us.  I sweat the little things and obsess about the details.  So, lately, as I have been praying over decisions in our midst that need to be made somewhat quickly....I have heard His voice.  First, He is telling me to remember my context.  I am married, I am a steward over my husband.  I need to support him and plan for our future, which may include illness.  I am a mom.  I have three small children to care for, given to me by God.  They are His.  I need to be sure I can care for them.  This does not mean I need to spoil them, or provide excessive entertainment for them.  Of course, they need to be fed and to have clothing.  They eat like a small army, and Kayla loves fashion, so it is a challenge to be frugal in these areas, but we do very well I think.  More importantly, I need to teach them that this is not our home, and that to know Jesus and serve Him is our purpose here.  So, regardless of what decisions are made, I want to be sure we are always just a little bit uncomfortable here.  If I allow myself, or my children, to begin loving this world and all it has to offer us too much, we might become distracted and lose sight of our real goal.  The one the apostle Paul talked about all the time in the epistles.  He says in Philippians 3:14, "I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." 
Secondly, God has been reminding me that my focus should always be to glorify Him.  If my focus is to glorify Him, and I filter my choices through "the goal", He will bless me by allowing me to serve Him wherever I am at.  I get afraid of my family choosing the wrong job, the wrong path, the wrong town......the same anxiety that I am called to relinquish to God freezes me up all the time.  I haven't been 100% successful in laying this all up to Him, which is why I am talking to Him a lot lately.  Even today, as I write this (because with 3 small kids, it takes me all day to type a few paragraphs:), I have been given even more clarity as the choices dwindle and I am able to figure out through all of these convictions God has given me what choice ultimately needs to be made when He leaves us with whatever open doors will be left over the next few weeks.

"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service."  Romans 12:1

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;"  Philippians 4:6